Anyone that knows me, knows I’m not a reclusive person. Not by nature anyway. But as the curtain began to close on this year, I realized I needed to pause and to clear my ever incessant mind. This meant making less time consuming plans with others, shutting down electronics more often, and spending much more (and much needed) time at home. I set out to accomplish tasks that only i bestowed upon myself and to go about them as thoroughly or as apathetically as I chose; then to spend some days in my pajama’s with no intentions or guilt whatsoever. I took the longest consecutive time off of work that I’ve taken in close to three years. Reminding myself of the scant periods of time in my adult life where there weren’t places to rush off to and endless tasks looming. I needed to sort of just exist for a few weeks, to almost purposely be uninspired for a time, as I knew a great deal of reflection and refocusing was just around the corner. The continuation of my search and accumulation of substance from within myself, others, experiences, books, nature…the list is endless.
I was able to enjoy a little time away with my children, and for that I’m most grateful. A few days away from responsibility to spoil them and remind myself of my greatest role in life, that of being a Mother. Their Mother.
(Outside of the Monterey Bay Aquarium. The same spot I posed with them one year prior.)
And waking up to the colors of the sunrise reflecting off of the bay from our room was a wonderful way to spend a quiet morning before the kids awoke.
Along with a little getaway, I was able to begin my quest to de-clutter. The truth in this statement motivating my slow but steady realignment:
“Clutter is not just the stuff on the floor – it’s anything that stands between you and the life you want to be living” – Peter Walsh
I put an effort into the physical aspect of this, attempting to make my home more organized and paying bills a quicker process. However, one of those not so physical area’s of “clutter” I have been able to identify for some time is social media. Not only the amount of time wasted checking it repeatedly, but scrolling, commenting, and the pointless articles that I would get sucked into reading. I realized, unfortunately, that many of the people I was connected with truly had very little to say or offer. The overabundance of negativity, perpetual crudeness, and the endless “test results” posted of what I’m sure comprise of about five recycled answers as to “How many kids will you have”, “When will you get married”, “What are your greatest attributes”, “What celebrity do you look like”…etc, etc. None of it was adding any substance to my life, in fact, it was doing the opposite. So of the two social media accounts I have, I’ve deleted one and plan to delete the app of the other off of my phone after I save the pictures I want and make a permanent decision to delete it.
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs, and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” – Annonymous. This sentiment fully describes what I’ve come to appreciate about my life, my world. It is mine, and mine alone to create, fulfill, nurture, and mold. I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to the decisions I make on a personal level, nor should I ever feel guilty about taking a hiatus at times. A step back from society in general to regroup and restore myself.
I hope everyone reading has had a wonderful, positive end to 2016 and that 2017 is everything you want it and make it to be.